Now is the perfect time... well its more like now or never really. I am all set up for Melissa Taylor's online study of the book "Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner" by Wendy Blight. I have my book, my journal, highlighters, bible, what else could I need?
Courage....Courage is what I need.
I decorated my journal...recorded my bible verses to refer to when I am discouraged and in need of Gods word of reassurance. I am so far a head of the game I thought I may as well go ahead and do Monday"s assignments...Read the first two parts about gratitude and how the journey begins.
By the time I was at the end of how the journey begins...I was ready to stop. Do I want to do this??? Do I want to sit and rethink all this and all the different accounts. How I got where I am. How I felt unloved...unworthy. Ask the why's again??
I have made the decision to do this. But right now, I am scared! Frightened!!! It took me moments to realize...Yes, I had been raped, molested, raped, fondled, emotionally neglected! This pertains to ME!! This did happen to me and my experience was horrifying!!! I honestly sat their thinking..yeah I was raped, but it wasn't as bad as what she went through! So that must make me ok????
When will I stop doing that to myself? When will I except that I am worthy of the pain???
That I am worthy to hurt and mourn for what I lost. I want to be worthy.
God, I know you are with me on this walk. Holding my hand...at times, carrying me in your arms. I am sure there will be those times. Lord, help me to stay the course and find the truth in your words. Help me to find the courage in those darkest moments when I will want to flee. I ask you Lord to help me reach out to others, as well, and find the words to encourage others in their walk. Please stay with me Lord...show me Your way!
